The psychology of body image

Today, I feel a bit melancholy, so I thought I might share some of the thoughts that have brought me to this 30 day challenge.  Maybe this isn't true for everyone, but I find it so hard to actually 'love my body'.  When I was a teenager, I remember wishing my gut wasn't so big, and my butt was more round. I wanted knees that didn't turn in and a face without zits.  My top half was never perky enough, round enough, flat enough, big enough... whatever shape and size was the shape and size of the month.  I didn't love my body.  Now, as an adult, I want to return to that 'less than perfect' body size and shape that I had in high school.  It was great!  I could run.  I could jump and shoot hoops.  I could dive for a dig and soar for a kill (volleyball was my favorite sport).  I stacked a thousand hay bales in the summer and could saddle thirty horses in an hour and a half.  

This adult body I woke up with isn't mine... I mean, it's not really me.  I think someone stole my size 8 and replaced it with this size 12, 14, 18, 16.  I am a twelve in the legs, a fourteen around the thighs, an eighteen waist (curse you, waistline!) and a 16 chest.  I didn't see it coming and can't seem to find the thief responsible for it.  When I close my eyes, I see a woman who stands tall with her shoulders back and confidence in every freckle.  She isn't embarrassed by her reflection in the store windows she passes on her way to the next meeting, and she never has to untuck her shirt from the rolls of her belly.  That's the me on the inside.  

I guess this summer is a test.  This summer is a test to see if I can find the woman on the inside.  The one who loves her body.  No... that's not quite it.  The one who loves HERSELF.