The effect of exercise on weight loss

I've finally figured it out.  The real reason people who exercise also lose weight is NOT because they are burning a gazillion calories.  It's NOT that they are eating less carbs or fatty foods.  It's not even because they had a surgery they won't admit to.  I used to believe those were the reasons that exercisers lost weight, but I couldn't reconcile those theories with the fact that muscle weighs more than fat.  If exercising builds muscle, then exercising would irrefutably lead to WEIGHT GAIN!  (I've always had a strong proclivity toward exposing conspiracy theories).  The real reason is that, at the end of the workout, exercisers have no strength left to prepare a meal.  The thought of lifting a fork to their mouth exacerbates the PTSD caused by excessive hand-weight exposure.  Getting from the post-workout prostrate position on the floor to the post-post-workout prostrate position on the bed is nearly impossible.  Some, who will remain unnamed, have taken to sleeping on their yoga mats.  We can conclude from this information that weight loss is not a direct result of exercising, but results from the temporary inability to engage the muscles necessary for preparing and inserting food into the mouth.  Therefore, due to muscle fatigue induced starvation, exercisers lose weight. 

That’s why I keep my potato chips next to my yoga mat.  They happen to be lightweight.