The sweaty version of me

The sweaty version of me
let's face it... exercise isn't pretty, especially when the bouncing stops after you do.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

I think I might be back, but I am not really sure and can't promise anything....

So, I kissed Jillian goodbye for a while (did you notice?) and lived my life in freedom from the "look" she gives her minions when they exercise.  I thought to myself, "I don't need no stinkin Jillian in my life".

You know how it goes when a break up happens?  Well, that's been me.  I have sneered at exercise equipment in the stores and talked about it behind it's back ("check out that mat!  seriously?  yoga is so yesterday.").  I actually buried her CD case in a pile of junk so I didn't have to see her smiling face anymore.  Once, I dusted my hand-weights... and let me tell you, I don't dust often.  I've had deep fried pickles and corn dogs to my heart's content down at the ole' pronto pup and even given the 30 Day Shred back to it's original owner, stamped "thanks for the memories...not". 

Then, after slogging around town for a good 20 days, I prostituted myself out to other exercise DVD's.  Don't get me wrong... I wasn't necessarily exercising.  I like to call it: exercising my options, experimenting a little, taking some risks.  That's when I met Barry, from "Barry's Bootcamp".  How to describe Barry?... how about chauvinistic piece of ego stuffed in a chemically enhanced botox suit?  He basically walked around the set ogling the jiggling booty he surrounded himself with, while stroking his over-inflated sense of self.  He was, how do I say it? ... a prick. 

Then, I tried "Dance off the Inches: Cardio Hip Hop".  Jennifer Galardi takes us through a 20 minute, dance step guide then throws them all together in a mixed salad of embarrassment.  If I can find a way to video tape myself trying to dance hip hop (sans the audio recording option to keep this blog "family friendly") I will.  It'll go viral, for sure.  I am that bad.

All this to say... I had it good with Jillian.  I miss Jillian. 

"Hey Jillian, this is Marla.  I was, um, just wondering, ya know, if you want me back?"

3 comments:

  1. Hi mom! This is awesome!

    : )
    Caleb

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  2. okay, first things first - I WANT that hip-hop DVD! We can't let that go to waste now can we???

    Second, I'm soooooooo glad your back & very proud of you for going back to "your first love." :) Who knew Jillian would turn out to be the love of your exercise life???

    Third, I have Jillian's 30 day shred as well --- unopened of course. But, I've been thinking about removing that security sticker for quite some time now. I'm hoping to thinking about opening it again tomorrow. If I do happen to open it, if you'll have me, I'd like to commit to starting to 30 day shred myself with you.

    The ball's in your court... no pressure or anything. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Um...so like, where did you go the month of Aug? I need more Marla humor and entertaining!

    Kiefer

    ReplyDelete